This is only my third submission and I’m so busted. I committed to post something every month and when my deadline approaches, I summons warp speed and find about 5,000 other things to do instead. It’s just what I do. Since I’m the only one who knows my deadline (and yes, I’m sorely behind), it’s quite easy to believe my own spin as I come up with one excuse after another, downplaying its importance in some way. I really don’t have any problems delivering the goods for anyone else or their projects, so why is it okay for me to break commitments to me?  I certainly wouldn’t put up with this behavior from anyone else, so how is this any different? The obvious answer is that it’s not okay on so many levels and at this point I’m positive that I don’t want to go through the mental gymnastics my mind is excited about exploring to find out why. Quite simply, I’m ready for a new pattern and I’m grateful for the space that waited so patiently until I could figure that out.

It’s occurred to me on several occasions that I’ll have a good laugh when I look back on this past year of my life. Chances are good that I’ll wonder why I ever worried about anything. That’s what I choose to believe since my sense of humor is worn thin and anxiety pops up like a never-ending game of whac-a-mole. That’s not to say that my days are totally void of bright spots. Once in a while I catch glimpses of the extraordinary and am reminded of the brilliance of the path we’re all walking. Once in a while I have a knowingness that all is perfect…and then I see that pesky mole.

I’m quite aware that every aspect of our world is undergoing dramatic changes and I’m not the only one whose life is being turned inside out. I feel the connection to my family around the world when they are struck with major earth changes or trauma. I know how lucky I am even though I feel overwhelmed quite often with my problems—which, by the way, are not life threatening. Life-changing, for sure, but not life-threatening. It’s been difficult to keep balance when emotions of biblical proportion surface and I feel I’m living in the Old Testament world complete with bulky robes, plagues, pestilence, ill-mannered Pharaohs and enough locusts to start my own testament. The group says that we learn more quickly through pain than pleasure. Without a doubt, this past year has been a razor sharp learning curve and I’m complete with the pain portion of the program.  I’m ready for a kinder, more gentle way to evolve, please. Surely that’s been a potential all along and I’ve simply zigged when I should’ve zagged. Leave it to me to find the rockiest, steepest path up the mountain.

So now I’m more than ready to reach the Promised Land. Where’s Moses? Who will lead me and who’s going to keep everyone from milling aimlessly around the desert creating false images and whatnot?  And where are the celestial choirs these days?  I could use a good Hallelujah Chorus to get me going in the morning. Slackers. How’s a human to keep motivated during such a bumpy ride when there’s so much to do and linear time is shrinking? 

I eventually came to the conclusion that Moses is busy so I’m becoming my own Moses. Ultimately? It’s up to me to reach my promised land, so off to the desert I go. The good news is that it won’t take 40 years to get there since I’m not walking. The bad news is that I’m on my own for motivation since all celestial choirs are busy rehearsing for my arrival or so I like to think. Sweet! Time to check my sandals, ditch the robe along with all excuses and get moving.  One of my favorite sayings is, “God can’t drive a parked car.” Time to take my own advice and put it in drive since I really feel the need to get going. Quite the ride, eh?            

Until next time, remember to breathe deeply and often, as balance is key in navigating the chaotic times we’re in, and relax!  Sometimes a cup of coffee is just a cup of coffee.