It’s the second day of Christmas and I am sitting alone in front of the computer of my lovely house. The last days I was with family. It was a big challenge for me to stay in my own space and define my borders well. I felt as if all information from others and energys and messages where in my energyfield and I lost center. I was frustrated cause it was Christmastime, and I felt this had to be a golden time and when I am feeling like this it isn’t…. I thought.

This afternoon I made the best decision and decided to go to my own house. I decided to take my power back and facilitate myself.

In a moment I am putting my best pyama on, make a nice pot of tea and I am going to watch movies, or draw.

In that space I feel it is easier to be me, myself and I.

The greatest healers have trouble with defining themselves many people say, that includes me. Even when I thought I knew the game very well, I sometimes don’t see it. Then I wonder what is going on with me, why I am feeling so shitty, sad, angry and frustrated. The fun thing is that I gave myself the biggest christmasgift: time alone.

As I went to my own house I saw everyone eating together with all the lights on… I was happy for them and laughed about what I was doing.

‘Being alone with Christmas isn’t that silly?’ I giggled.

In a way I feel nude, because there is no one to empower me than myself. But then again.. how cool it is to empower yourself!

At home, but also at my new job I empowered myself.

The last week I learned to ask questions as much as I could at my work. I felt that it was stupid to do at my new job, cause I work there for three months now. So I acted like I knew stuff, but actually didn’t knew for sure. I got so insecure by that. When I realized this way of acting, I changed it rapidly and asked anything I wanted to know. And my confidence grows.

When someone else asks me questions I feel it is cool, and I love react on them. But when it is me who is on the other side I feel more stupid. In that way it is always good to remember we are students and teachers at the same time. 

We love to answer, but doubt to ask.

We love to ‘heal’ others, but forget to heal ourselves.

We love to give space to others, but forget to create space for ourselves.

I wish you and me all the best we can wish for ourselves and I hope that all our dreams may come true.

Lots of love, big hug

Elleke