Okay, the destination is in sight……or at least I think it is! Finally, I have accepted that I am really not going to live in this town for the rest of my life, that it is okay not to fit into the image of what everyone else in this area seems to think I should be, and there’s no time like the present to go investigate other communities and find the one that supports the person I have now allowed myself to become. While I am excited, it doesn’t mean I am completely free of fear and the ‘what ifs’ but I am much more able to trust that this is the right choice for me and that I really am not going to be completely alone, almost like in hiding, for the remaining years I have left on this great earth.

My transformation was given a booster shot with the loss of a kind old gentleman who was my step father. His passing was just the right motivator in that it made me realize I needed to stop waiting for ‘some day’ and to start living my life today. While we weren’t particularly close, it was his closeness to our family unit that jolted me into realizing that time doesn’t last forever, that my mother may follow him sooner than later, and here I will still be, floundering around like some teenager when I have absolutely everything I need right at my fingertips to truly live my life to the fullest.

In all my desperation to cling to the familiar, and all along just getting more and more miserable along the way, I needed something to shake me up and see how truly blessed I am right now! My stepfather’s passing did this and more. His final days were filled with such a wonderful calm sense of acceptance and surrender that I felt privileged to witness his own preparation of his passing. And in reminiscing on his life, he DID live it with gusto. He worked hard, he played hard, without regrets. And yes, I was now paying attention!

Very shortly after, exterior circumstances began to unfold, as if by Divine intervention, as I got good and ready to surrender from where I was, even though it was mostly because I couldn’t stand it one minute longer! So no, it wasn’t a noble, dignified sort of acceptance of my upcoming changes, but more of a time of tears, panic, depression, and fear, and yet I KNEW forward was where I wanted and needed to go.

I found assistance in a good friend, a trained coach/energy therapist, who uses a technique working with ‘Goblins’ (all those nasty little invisible troublemakers that exist in everyone’s psyche but will leave when discovered and directed to!). The technique allowed me to find out who was really running my life (no, it wasn’t me!) and to politely yet firmly ask them to leave because they certainly did not have my best interests in mind!  The initial heavy hitters in my case were the Martyr (no surprise there!), False Light, and the Drama Queen (ya think?!). Once discovered, and then released, I did experience an internal shift, a short processing period but almost immediately, doors started to open to support the direction of my desired changes. AND I was willing to walk through them and for that, I am really grateful.

Inch by inch, I WILL continue to move forward to a life of my dreams. Won’t you do the same?