Little Girl sat in the darkened theater slowly loosing herself in the story unfolding on the screen.  The other kids from The Hill were not here; they would be walking through the woods to the later show.  But Daddy wouldn’t let Little Girl  walk through the woods with the other boys and girls.  Instead he had driven her to the main street and let her out right in front of the theater.  It was Saturday so he and Miss El weren’t at work.  Little Girl was really not little; she was almost 12 years old and had never really felt little. 

Her life had been normal (although she couldn’t have told you what normal really was) until the War ended.  The War was to become known as the Great War and while it was happening everyone seemed to be friendlier and working together.  Daddy had been in the Army Air Corps.  While he was gone, everyone lived together in one house.  Grandma and Grandpa, Great-Grandma, Great Uncle, Uncle, Aunt, Sister and Mama shared the house that sat up on a hill with lots of steps going up to the front porch.  That had been a fun house and Little Girl had been sad to leave it.  Great-Grandma and Great Uncle had died and Grandma and Grandpa decided to buy a house instead of rent one, so we all moved into the new house.  But the War ended before the move.  Daddy came back dressed in his uniform, looking so handsome and tall.  Then he didn’t wear the uniform any more and went back to the Mill to work.  Mama was working in the Mill, too but they didn’t go there together.  While Daddy was gone in the War, Mama had met Mr. Felac and decided she didn’t love Daddy anymore.  After a while, Daddy didn’t live with us and Mama told Sister and Little Girl that they were getting a divorce.  Little Girl had never heard of that before and didn’t know of anyone else who had one.  When they explained that divorce meant Daddy and Mama wouldn’t be married together and that Daddy would live somewhere else almost like when he was in the War, Little Girl knew that they wouldn’t be married anymore but it wouldn’t be like when Daddy was in the War.  She didn’t really know what it would be like but not like that!

Sure enough, Daddy got another place to live then told Sister and Little Girl that he was getting married again to Miss El and that they could visit on the weekends when they weren’t working in the Mill.  It was after Daddy and Miss El got married that Grandma and Grandpa bought a house and we all moved.  Then Mama said that Mr. Felac wanted to get married and that might happen.  Sister didn’t care, but she was just a baby and didn’t understand that the world was unraveling and Little Girl couldn’t find a way to stop it.  Little Girl cried and begged Mama not to marry Mr. Felac.  Even when Little Girl assured Mama that someone else would marry her, Mama didn’t listen just went ahead planning on marrying Mr. Felac.  So, one Christmas, Mama told Little Girl and Sister that one  of their gifts was a new daddy—she and Mr. Felac were going away for a few days and when they came back, they would be married and start looking for a new place to live.  Another round of tears and begging didn’t convince Mama that she shouldn’t marry Mr. Felac and, so she did.  That’s when the world really got bad.

Mama and Mr. Felac did find a new place to live and the four of them left Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Just after Little Girl’s 11th birthday, Mr. Felac said Little Girl couldn’t live with them anymore.  She had called Daddy and he said he would come get her and she could stay with him and Miss El. 

It was much better living with Daddy and Miss El.  Both of them worked in the Mill on the night shift.  Little Girl was self sufficient and learned to cook and wash dishes.  She helped Miss El with the laundry and there were lots of kids on The Hill to play with.  A school bus picked her up for school and that was fun.  There was a concrete slab, left over when an old War building had been torn down, that was great for skating and Little Girl loved to skate and had a great pair of Union Hardware No. 5 skates.

        The only thing she couldn’t understand was why Daddy wouldn’t let her walk through the woods to the movie theater or drug store with the other kids.  Or why he insisted she go to the early show when usually only the little kids went and that she had to be home before dark.  Or why she couldn’t play outside with the other kids when they played hide ‘n seek.  But all in all, it was better than living with Mama and Mr. Felac. 

And that’s how Little Girl came to be sitting in the early show on a Saturday afternoon by herself.  As the main feature came to an end and the dim lights came on, Little Girl got up and went outside into the brightness of the afternoon sun.  Taking a place near side of the entrance, she scanned the cars for Daddy or Miss El.  They weren’t there yet, but Little Girl was comfortable waiting for them.

As time passed, though, she began to worry.  What if they had forgotten about her.  But Daddy had said he would pick her up at 2 o’clock when the movie ended she reassured herself.  She walked from one movie poster to the other reading about coming attractions.  Then she made the rounds again, this reading the names of the directors and producers.

 More time went by.  The next movie ended and still Little Girl waited.  Once Policeman Smart drove by slowly and waved to her.  She waved back and smiled big to let him know  that she was alright and that Daddy would be there soon.  She hoped he would be there soon.  She was beginning to get hungry.

It was summer time, so the temperature was comfortable.  Actually it was hot, but standing under the overhang of the theater was cooler and, as the sun moved more to the west, the breeze came up and it felt much better.  The manager of the theater stuck his head out and asked if she was still waiting for someone.  Little Girl smiled big so he would know she was alright and she was still waiting for someone. 

Then the outside lights on the marquee were turned on.  Should she look for Mr. Christmas and his taxi?  She had ridden in his  taxi once before but not by herself.  She didn’t have a quarter, but surely Daddy would have one and would pay Mr. Christmas.  But what if Daddy wasn’t home.  What if they had gone somewhere and  really just forgot about her.  Little Girl continued to walk slowly from one side of the building to the other not even daring to walk down to the corner just in case Daddy or Miss El came and didn’t see her.

Even though she smiled big at everyone who stopped to ask if she was waiting for someone, she was getting more and more concerned that she had been left.  Mr. Felac wouldn’t let her live with him and Mama.  Grandma and Grandpa said her place was with her parents.  Little Girl moved out of the way as the next group of movie goers left the theater.  This was the second group who had come out while she walked slowly around the front of the building. 

Now, she found a spot next to the right side of the building and just stood.  It was now dark and lights were on in the drug store and all the other businesses had closed for the day. 

Policeman Smart drove by again.  This time he pulled into a parking space and got out of his car.  Walking up he asked, “Still waiting for someone?” 

“Yes” responded Little Girl, “and I’m sure Daddy will be here soon.” Policeman Smart knew Daddy, like he knew everyone in town.  Town wasn’t  

“Little Girl,” Policeman Smart said, “it’s almost 9 o’clock on Saturday night and you’ve been standing here for a long time.  Why don’t I give you a ride home?”

Little Girl tried to smile big so he would know it was alright, but instead, tears spilled out of her eyes and she shook her head up and down.  Policeman Smart touched her shoulder gently and said softly, “Come on, then.  Get in the car and I’ll drive you home.”

It didn’t seem strange to be climbing into a police car.  Policeman Smart had known Little Girl every since she had really been a little girl.  He backed his car out and drove slowly down the street to the end, turned left and followed the road around to the turn off for The Hill.

The Hill was owned by the Mill.  Everybody who lived in the houses worked in the Mill.  Some in the Braiding Department like Mama.  Some in the Brake Band Department like Daddy.  And some worked in all the other parts of the big building that housed the Mill, too.

We lived down the first dirt road, third house back.  As the car turned the corner Little Girl could see the house was dark.  Not a light was on anywhere.  Then she saw that the car was in the front yard so Daddy and Miss El were home.  Policeman Smart told Little Girl to sit in the front seat while he went to the front door and knocked.  A light came on in the bedroom (there was only one bedroom—Little Girl slept on a roll away bed in the living room) and soon Daddy opened the front door.  He looked like he did when he was just waking up.  Policeman Smart talked to him for a little bit and then looked towards the car where Little Girl sat, not realizing she was holding her breath and pressing her fingernails into the palms of her hands.  Then Policeman Smart came to the car and opened the door for her.  “Everything is o.k.  Your Daddy just fell asleep,” he explained as he lead Little Girl to the front door where Daddy was holding open the screen door. 

“You alright, Little Girl?”  “Miss El and I fell asleep and I’m sorry that we didn’t get you,” he quietly said as Little Girl walked by him.

“It’s o.k” she mumbled as she went into the bathroom quickly so Daddy couldn’t see that she had been crying.

“You hungry?” he asked.  “A little” was the timid reply.  Little Girl was afraid to talk too loud in case Daddy would hear the tears in her voice. 

That day happened a long time ago.  Many things happened to Little Girl as she grew into a young woman, some much worse than waiting in front of that theater for seven hours with fear of being unwanted growing each minute.  She lived with Daddy and Miss El for two years. 

On another Saturday afternoon at 2 o’clock when Little Girl came out of the movie theater, Daddy and Miss El were there waiting for her.  As she ran to the car, Miss El got out of the passenger side and turned towards her.  Daddy jumped out of the driver’s side and ran to get in front of Miss El.  He told Little Girl to get into the back seat and to hurry.  So she did.  They had been having a grown up argument.  On Monday, Daddy called Grandma and Grandpa to arrange for Little Girl to stay with them “for a while”.  Little Girl moved again, taking her roll away bed with her.  This time though, she packed her clothes in a box and not grocery sacks.  Things were looking up. 

Even though many good things were in store for Little Girl and many bad things were in her future, that afternoon long ago had a major impact on the woman and the parent she would become.   She had been a good girl, doing exactly what she had been told and yet she willingly accepted that there was something wrong with her—there had to be or else her family wouldn’t be trying to lose her. 

Little Girl still lives within the soul of Big Girl.  She has learned that parents are Big Girls and Big Boys who carry their own hurts and fears but who are afraid or unable to release them.  That within resides the Little Girl or Little Boy who has gotten bigger, taller and older but not wiser.  She has come to realize that everyone has had a Saturday afternoon filled with uncertainty and fear of being forgotten and not wanted.  She’s also come to know that all Little Girls and Little Boys are brothers and sisters of the universe and holding hands in the darkness makes it better.