Milk and Potato Chips

~Metaphor or Character Flaw?~

Before I begin, I want to go on record by saying that I love my mother.  Sometimes when I look at her, I’m not really sure who she is any more, but I’m certainly glad she is not only my mom, but also my greatest teacher. She is 82 and has very limited vision, but is relatively healthy and mobile. Running errands is something we do a few times a week since she’s unable to drive.  Grocery shopping is always a treat because she’s fiercely independent and hates to ask for help, so I won’t offer any unless her health/life is in danger or she actually asks.  Seriously, I’m really not mean, she just snaps at me when I’ve made the assumption she needs help, so I let her take her time and do her thing.  I see some crazy things in her grocery cart that I’m not sure if she even eats, but I’m going to let her figure it out.  I’m betting that one day she’ll get tired of eating strawberry grits when she’d rather have the oatmeal she thought she bought.  

Yesterday’s trip was nothing out of the ordinary until we started to check out.  I put a few items that I needed in her cart and separated them while waiting in line.  For whatever reason, she offered to pay for my groceries, which totally surprised me, but she quickly added that she wouldn’t pay for my milk and potato chips.  What did she just say?  I’m looking at her pile of groceries and I see not one but two bags of chips and a gallon of milk.  What does she have against milk and potato chips?  What prompted her to offer to pay for anything in the first place?  It struck me as quite odd at a very deep level and I thanked her, but told her I’d get my own groceries. I remember watching her shrug off my response, so I don’t think she seemed to mind one way or the other, but I was certainly confused. Everything but milk and potato chips…everything but milk and potato chips…

As the day progressed, I became obsessed with her comment.  I was trying to figure out if she had a mini stroke, and certainly some sort of head trauma had to be involved. If she’d have told me to step aside to let a panda in front of us since he only had 1 item, I don’t think I’d have had as strong of a reaction, but my mind wouldn’t let go of, “…everything but milk and potato chips.” 

I finally connected the dots when I realized that milk and potato chips were just a metaphor for her love and acceptance, which have always been based on conditions or expectations. It didn’t matter if the conditions were spoken or not, they were always in the mix somewhere. Even though she never actually said, “I’d love you more if you’d just (fill in the blank)”, it was always implied that I’d certainly be so much happier, richer, prettier, wiser, more socially acceptable or whatever if I’d just make her suggested changes and this, of course, would naturally result in her loving me even more.