Recently, I talked about an experience that I never expected with Spiritual Bankruptcy.  It consisted of many thoughts that weighed upon me with the direction that I chose for my career and decisions I made about family and friends.  I stood in a place that was complicated and straightforward, all in an instant.

I found that the feelings of confusion overcame me, almost overwhelming, where my emotions ran rampant.  All the work that I have done for many years, both spiritual and personal growth, felt like a scene from a martial arts movie.  It was in slow motion as the words from my mouth were not connecting with what I was saying. I felt an inner battle of thoughts and feelings within my moments of collapse.

I simply witnessed the value I had gained over the years of practice easily wither away as I watched others not practicing, mainly around my family and friends who would address my loyalty and commitment.  They would verbalize what was important for their needs, not my own.  And I also witnessed those who took advantage of my passive reaction and my virtue.  What did they expect of me?  Or did I lose respect of my human soul?

But I knew that practice supports the discoveries made about self.  The lack of respect of oneself was apparent that the realities were built from belief systems.  This was more than I can endure.  I too wished to surrender as my opponent (life) won this particular round.  I was face down on the mat and calling out ‘uncle’ as I declared bankruptcy to my own spirit.  My attempts to emerge into my human soul were about to cease for I had no reason to pursue it.  I discovered this external struggle exhausting as I expanded dimensionally.  It physically took a toll upon me.

My struggle is keeping a balance between my human soul, my family, my personal life, and what I want.  I found those I attracted were not fulfilling their word by not following through with what they had declared.  I kept my eyes open to those around me and could feel their despair.  There was a flip-flop attitude in responsibility that caused me to react personally.  I feel that follow, through is part of the practice as one is awakened to the truth.  I felt disappointment.  I had to stop and ask myself where I felt I had let myself down.  How many times did I let go of my sight of what I want? 

The economy is a metaphor that can reflect what is happening within.  You go after something your heart is set on, but it is out of reach.  Someone else got it before you did.  It could be a job, an idea, or something you held back because you felt you were not or it wasn’t enough.  This is a moment in time you hesitated.  Then you hear that person claiming the words or idea.  You begin to feel the thoughts of failure. 

Failure surfaces because it is evident of feeling not worthy.  It appears to validate those feelings as thoughts of reality.  However, if there is doubt, fear, or an inkling of failure you are bound to give up.  It is part of a past behavior.  Motivation is kicked out of you.  The purpose becomes cloudy.  It feels as if something hovers over you all the time.

Imagine feeling like you are on a merry-go-round, spinning and moving, but not going anywhere. Destiny seems out of reach.  Like reaching for the prize ring that is in the same position, you are the only one moving, yet, when you reach out, you miss it.  Almost as if it demagnetizes as you go to grab it.  I had to ask myself, “How am I to serve others if this is happening?”

My investment to serve others lost its impact and perspective.  I can't even serve my own needs at this time.  Everything feels unattainable as if my footing is not implanted.  It isn't about giving up.  It is time to re-evaluate and continue to create.

My experience is shared amongst all those who are about to integrate human self with soul.  Find ways to re-focus and to remember who you are.  Keep focus on all the preparations you have made thus far. You are powerful in your journey as human and soul.  Soul is defined as the “Source of Universal Love.”  It is through loving self that will allow me to continue to serve others. 

Are you clear about your desires?  Love will prevail as you see yourself step up during these times.  Demand that you live life to its fullest as you continue to process, find self, and expand your soul through understanding.  The truth is the scalpel that unveils the wound allowing the physical body to connect spiritually.  It is time.  The time is NOW.