Mastering Energetics of Love: Who Else Wants to Grow Up?

I was truly shocked this month with the issues my clients brought to the sessions:

    My sex life sucks. I did not have an orgasm in 20 years and I do not care anymore.
    Her body is like dead. She does not care. I have to look for someone else, but we have small kids...
    My marriage is dead. I am dead.  I cannot live like that anymore. I want to feel alive!
    I told him I do not want another child right now. He betrayed me and ejaculated, but I did not even notice.
    I love him and I am leaving him. I finally found someone who can give me what I want - normal sex life.
    She always wants something. She makes me feel small. I do not know how to be a man anymore.

 

Is that something that sounds familiar?

Are you tired of taking care of everyone’s needs? Or better said, are you tired of not being taken care of. Do you carry a load of frustrations, disappointments, expectations? Do you sometime feel like crying, screaming, running away. Anything he says is a trigger. Everything you say is an effort. Is he ever listening? Are you even there to ask?

 

The reason I am writing about this is that we all asked for something new, something different, something big in our lives. At this time the Universe guides us into something bigger then our past experiences. Anything that is not in alignment with our big desires is showing up and we are ready to face it.

 

Does it feel too big to handle?

To scary?

Almost catastrophic?

Take a breath!

The waves are huge, yet you are bigger! You are big enough to ride the waves. And you have permission to be as big as you want. It is time to Grow Up!

 

As I look into my clients body response to the triggers we identify together, I see the same issues coming to the surface again, and again and again: the issues of not being taken care of, listened to, appreciated and loved in a way that feels personal and connected. As we look into the basis of dissatisfaction and resentment, there is always a trigger that is rooted in the previous experiences of not being taken care of. Our conscious mind is linear. We remember our past and we project the negative outcome we experienced before into the future. Based on this memory and the charge associated with the past event, we create an attraction field that pulls in people and circumstances that help us justify our story, our feelings and our defense strategies again, and again, and again.

 

When you a not being cared for as a child or satisfied in your needs later on in your relationship, you feel insecure, unprotected, and unloved. You feel a need to protect yourself, so you create defense mechanisms, behaviors that are based on your need to protect yourself from getting into situation, similar to an event that made you feel unsafe in the past. Then you use your interpretation of the past to justify your emotional charge and behaviors that come with it. The more memories and unresolved trigger points you hold in your consciousness, the bigger your inner army needs to be. This energetic army often becomes both the source of overwhelming outbursts and the source of energetic depletions within the current situations that remind you of the past.

 

If your physical needs did not get satisfied during the early childhood, you may experience the same issue at the emotional level later on, in your teens or through your first sexual experience. First seven years of your life you are learning how to exist on a material plane and take care of your basic survival needs. You learn to communicate with your parents and caregivers in a way that gives you maximum nurturing with minimum risk. This is the time of creating approaches that will become your major behavior strategies for life. If some of your strategies do not work well, your needs may not be satisfied. This situation creates a time loop that will stay in your life until the need is taken care of and you complete your first learning cycle in the school of life.

 

If you suppress the need in response to parental unavailability, it will repeat its educational process in the next 7 year cycle that has to do with your emotional development. This time you would need to find your way through the maze of human interactions and moral structures that hold the human puzzle together which adds another story flavor to your desires and needs.  This next level in personal development dictates how you will protect yourself and deal with the situation at hand using emotional manipulation. One may become a needy co-dependent nudging child who’s energetic currency is being invested in attracting attention and love at any cost. One can also become a ”bully” who is constantly attracting negative attention and presence of others in one’s space. One can also feel so lost and abandoned, that he/she may choose the loneliness as a way to create an artificial isolation, succumbing to addiction of feeling sorry for oneself, un-needed and abandoned.

 

So, what is your role in the relationship you are experiencing?

Are you an orphan that is still feeling lost and unprotected?

Are you a controller, a bully that gets someone’s love and attention even at the expense of the conflict?

Are you a magical child that creates with the Angels and Fairies?

Are you the Light that is projecting its innovative ideas on the screen of reality or are you a jack-o-lantern, projecting creepy images and insecurities onto relationships with others.

 

If what is unfolding in your life and your relationships is scary or simply is not what you desire, look into how what is happening is similar to what you have been experiencing before. Instead of judging and blaming the other, look at what exactly are you missing and complete this vicious cycle to your satisfaction. Notice when you are asking your partner to be your mother, and a father, and a healer, and a care taker. Notice if you are acting from a little child’s powerlessness and dependency or you speak up your truth from the Love, the certainty and the knowing that you are.  Notice if there is a resentment that is building in both your partner (who may resist playing a paternal figure in your life) and you (who is still missing out on being taken care of.) Once you see the repetitive pattern, you need to complete this unfinished business for yourself in order to move on.

 

I include a very simple, very practical way to complete your childhood cycles at the end of this article. It will help you take care of each and every one of your unresolved needs and unsatisfied desires experiencing 100% satisfaction if you choose so. Even before you are done with your full list, you will find yourself in state of equilibrium and maturity that was not available to you before. You may notice your inner dialogue changing from blaming, complaining and/or self-criticism to thinking: “ I see where I am and I see where you are. I am Ok with where we are. I do not need to change you in order to be Ok. And I do not need to change myself in order to fulfill anyone’s projections or ideas about me. I love you and I let you be. I love myself enough to let myself be. I know my truth. I respect my truth. I am whole and complete just the way I am.”

 

The Shift we are experiencing is about stepping up our energy and take responsibility for the patterns that need and want to be transmuted. If you are facing something big today, know that you are BIGGER then anything you are facing and Universe is seeing and recognizing your bigness.

 

Our ability to create depends on how much we are present to ourselves and others how big we are about asking for what we want and receiving what is given to us with Grace. Focusing unconsciously on unfulfilled childhood needs makes us Conforming, Judgmental, Needy, Lonely, Isolated, Over-reactive, Co-Dependent. It makes us feel Dumb, Fragmented, Lost, Disoriented, Dislocated, Anal, and Disordered. Our relationships become Chaotic, Mediocre, Inauthentic as we grow to be more and more Absent     from our Hectic, Superficial,      Grasping, Flaky existence.

 

Growing up is about consciously acknowledging your needs and taking responsibility for fulfilling them. It is time to take charge of your creations by accepting your unique role in creative process and choosing co-creators that see and respect your truth. Your Presence is the best gift you can offer to humanity in these amazing times of rapid transformation. It is also the most important parenting goal – to model how to be an authentic presence in your world for your children. Shifting from co-dependency to independency first and then finding your way back together as interdependent, cooperative, wise Beings that are present enough to see perfection in every unfolding moment and transparent enough to communicate their desires. The path out of the misery into authentic relationship is through open recognition and articulation of your needs and understanding how you can support each other while loving and supporting yourself 100%.  This is the only way you can celebrate each other truth and personal growth without any attachment to the story of how this process should be happening because it is happening exactly the way you are creating it together.

 

Mastering the Energetics of Love starts from finding your younger selves lost in time and bringing them back home to the Love that you are. Make it real. Make it material. Make it yours. Choose to focus this month on shifting from dreaming and hoping into living in the Fairyland where your needs are taken care of and your desires count. Focus on shifting from illusions that create disappointments, bitterness, anger, frustration, and isolation to awareness of your knowing and oneness with creative power. You are the Key to transmuting your personal and family Karma. You can become a role model of what you were always dreaming about and make it happen today.

 

Homework for Grown-ups

1. Make a list of what you need, want and strongly desire in your relationship or in life in general. Then go through your list one thing at a time and complete the need or experience in a way that satisfies you 100%.

 

There will be items on your list that could be simply purchased or easily experienced. Please do it right away. No excuses. No settling. Just go for it!

You’ve been waiting for this for a long time. It is your day and you are allowed. You have been giving, and giving, and giving. It is your time to give it to yourself and know how it feels to receive what you want when you want it.

 

There may be needs and desires that would take some effort to take care of. No worries! Just remember that your mind is a great tool to create and experience anything you want in the present moment. In fact, your body does not know the difference between the fantasy and reality. This is what some relationships are all about – ignoring the real and living in the fantasy world, hoping it will all change some day. Well, you can change it right now. The experience of having what you want will change you forever.

 

2. If you need to talk to someone or create an experience with someone who is not physically present or available, create a special safe comfortable space in your mind. Invite this person to share this space with you for your conversation of experience. Create a mental picture of what you would like to see happen in this interaction. Add as many details as you can to make it real, involving as many senses as you can to feel it happening. Once you have all that you want present and experienced, choose the colors from your quantum experience to integrate this new reality into your inner album.

 

The colors represent emotional frequencies and your body will benefit from all the colors that may show up in your experience.  You may see them, feel them or just know what colors you may want to choose. Every time the color shows up for you it has a different quality and vibrancy, so this easy format will allow you to download a spectrum of supporting frequencies that are missing in your radiant aura. This in turn will create a new attraction field that is a vibrational match to your desired experiences and the level of fulfillment you are looking for.

 

3. Find Simplicity and Quintessence in every Complexity you’ve created in order to feel loved and accepted. Orient yourself to finding what Being YOU means to you.
4. Create the space and time to experience the truth of your desires and look for making your life bigger and more fulfilling.

You are big, powerful, and you are important. Allow the Freshness, the Innocence, and the Authenticity to be your guardian angels every time you speak. Allow the Exquisiteness of your Presence to anticipate things into existence while being detached from any particular outcome. Celebrate every moment of your process and allow your partners to celebrate theirs.