This morning started with sunny brightness behind my light green curtains. The day was clear and so was my schedule. I was planning to focus on completing this article and later to work on my new book. Then phone rang and a cheerful voice from California started its 30 minute conversation.

The picture of me that I was receiving did not make any sense and the conversation was becoming difficult. It felt like I was trying to find a little space in the wall of words to share what was really happening here in Chicago, but California was having a good time sharing what it thought about me and my life, so there was no real space, attention or authentic desire for the heart to heart conversation. I felt a huge energetic pit hole opening in front of me and employed all my senses to help me stand on my feet while watching my spirit falling lower, and lower, and lower. The cheerful voice kept explaining how un-enthusiastic, ungrateful and undirected I was and how much it has given and invested in me. It was becoming frustrated and confused with me (after all that has been done for me) that I was still me, being and doing what I felt was right and representative of my values.

Even though it was almost impossible, I successfully managed to interrupt the flow of cheerfulness for a few seconds to insert my two cents into a monologue that the cheerful voice was having about me. At the end of this short encounter I felt lost, sad and disempowered. Moreover, I felt like a failure and it did not feel good. I felt like I did not want to be talking to this cheerful voice ever again. Ungrateful? I did not think so. It was necessary if I wanted to preserve my sanity, dignity and my personal values.

Then I found myself wondering what was the hook that kept me in conversation I was  no longer enjoying? Would I ever have courage to let go of my visions of amazing potentials in the future, so I can stop these low frequency encounters in the now? I wanted to forgive myself for being a human being and allow my Soul journey to be a flow of joy verses the path of struggle to be understood during these forceful get-togethers.

Wanting more of… (love, money, ability to offer your services, traveling the word, receiving education or teaching others) is an issue of identification with what we do, what we have and what we imagine others may think of us.  We look at these issues through the looking glass of achievement consciousness while missing the fact that discrimination point between the two (achievement and under-achievement) is a very subjective matter.  What some of us perceive as an underachievement may look like the wildest dream of success for somebody else. At the same time, someone’s success picture may be the biggest dread for you.  If you want to feel successful, it is important to identify what it is you are looking for first (verses what is the others’ opinion about your path to success).

If you serious about being YOU and living YOUR life, take a piece of paper and write the answers to these important questions:

What do I perceive as an underachievement? I feel I did not do enough because…

What makes me feel unsuccessful? I feel I could...

Why do I feel that way?

Look into who’s words are you writing on your paper right now? Do you recognize anyone’s voice in your head?

Who in my life used to say that over and over again?

Who’s opinion about this matter did I internalize? 

What is it that makes me feel successful? I feel successful when….

Sometimes a process of “measuring” where you are in your life and where you want to be becomes an issue of its own. Noticing the distance gets you off the original focus into false need to do something to gain support from outside, leading you into the false relationships and not-self interactions. For some people, being on the moon and not on the sun is a failure!  For others, not being able to pay the bill this week feels like a struggle, but they know that they can overcome the challenge and they keep an optimistic attitude supported by their creative actions. 

Being able to dream and desire is a great life force energy that is fuelling your progress.  Being fixed on the speed of this process or attached to the way it “should” be happening creates a distraction.  Often a tendency to force an outcome instead of letting the process to unfold naturally brings about feelings of frustration and underachievement.  Shifting your focus from the process to the lack of the anticipated results can make you doubtful and uncommitted to the course of action which has been joyful and desirable at the beginning. 

Our body/mind/spirit system is a key instrument of measurement that helps us evaluate all the data we collect.  Unfortunately, we often feel overwhelmed by the amount of intense mental and painful emotional information that we receive. In an attempt to reduce this overwhelm, we make a subconscious decision to partially withdraw from receiving all that information. Such inner decision made in a state of defeat, becomes part of our defense mechanism that helps us survive the intensity of our life by avoiding intense situations or over-reacting and throwing a temper tantrum.

If your life is full of frustration, disappointment, blame, guilt, isolation, struggle, anger, and even outrage while you are trying to find your self-worth in the eyes and opinions of others, you may be stuck in the net of false values and not-self concepts. This feeling produces fear of “non-survival”. When you clearly know that you need to disengage from the project or a person, but you are postponing this action, your mind is giving you thousands of reason why you should not trust your guts. When we resist our authentic knowing, we also become the worst critics of ourselves, calling ourselves crazy, dumb and stupid while trying to suppress our own clarity and truth.

When we do not allow ourselves to be authentic, we start judging ourselves or someone who we perceive an obstacle to our natural being. There is an important distinction between judging something that looks like a reactive response and noticing it in a neutral way.  Judging usually comes with an emotional attachment, a charge.  Charge is the energy that has been stored by your body as a warning signal. It is there to keep you from getting into something you perceived as a “negative” experience in the past. We are actually trying to push something that reminds us about challenging issues in the present or past situations. The act of judgment often substitutes the action required to change unwanted situation or behavior. It is like judging a part of yourself, that you do not like, instead of doing something to transform it.

It is extremely valuable to catch yourself as you begin judging. Notice it, acknowledge that it is just a habit and switch your attention to something useful.  As you begin noticing when you use this habit, the judgment becomes less effective in its function and finally dissipates. The judgment is taking your attention from positive changes and focuses you on what is not working.  When the judgment is gone, you can put your energy into forming a new habit instead of investing in a fight with your inner Judge, loosing your attention in the constant battle against yourself.

Are you choosing where and how you are or are you being “pulled” into events, interactions and decisions?  If you act out of need or lack, you will eventually accumulate tension that will wear you down. Notice what are you hungry for or what part of your body feels worse when you are not acting on your truth can help you identify where the “frozen” memories, pains and other charges of the past are stored in your body. 

Are you looking for attention, love, admiration, feeling loved, wanting to be heard and appreciated? 

Are you craving loyalty, support, perfection? 

Looking into “missing” feelings and cravings for “more of… “  can help you be more conscious about choices you make. Notice how things, events, people around affect you.  If what you see and feel happening is not what you want to be part of, you do not have to feel guilty about it. It is totally Ok to not be attracted to some events, relationships, or experiences.  It is up to you to make a decision and not become engaged with something that does not feel right to you.  You have a choice.

In my perception, life is a mysterious dance of Souls that come together to experience, to grow, to be. I love dancing and I see dance patterns in everything: from choosing the place to dance, to attracting the right partner, to having a joyful experience with it. In conclusion, I would like to share a few of my dance rules with you.

Timing is everything. You cannot co-create the dance when you are off beat or dancing a sequence that your partner is not aware of.

It is your dance. Acknowledge your nature, your gifts, and your ability to enjoy the dance of life as it comes to you. If you are not ready, do not let anyone lead you into something you are not equipped to handle yet.

Dance is an inner process, not an outer performance. Dance to experience the inner joy and do not invest your energy into impressing others.

Competition is a different activity. It takes a lot of work to compete. Dancing is not about competition. There are always better dancers on the floor as well as people that are learning from watching you dance. Let your heart dance and your legs follow.

Ambiance is important. Allow the music of life to move you forward. Dance in places that feel good, and leave an environment where you feel out of place.