Those Who Abandon Their Dreams, Part 2 

We draw to us that which we fear.

Some of the responses that I received about part 1 struck a deep cord of pain in me. The tears flowed for hours for the women that were unable to leave abusive situations. I implore you to search your soul and find the pain and heal it.  That is the only way we will change the pattern of victimization. I also want you to realize that we are the ‘”chain-breakers” and we are healing from generations of controlled environments.

We can remember all the women that didn't seem to find a way out...... very sad.  The energy of it is so strong. However I am going to suggest that it also took great courage to stay in a terrible situation. That also required great strength. It is unfortunate but I believe that even an early death or disease became an unwillingness to live and so it was an escape after all.

Each one of us has made a promise, pact, or decision to enable our spirit to survive any situation by shutting down, ignoring, controlling or allowing control. I say allowing control because I'm the one that made the choice to go back or stay home because I was couldn’t see any other choice at that time. When the bruises were gone I was in denial again. I didn't know I was making the choice because I believed what he told me. I didn’t try to find a way out for myself. To save face, I stayed. I knew it was wrong and horrible and I was deeply ashamed. I did make the choice to be with this person by not making a choice to be free of him.

It's an inside job to begin believing in you. The Serenity Prayer is this:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

The line that says;"courage to change the things I can” went off like a bright light in my mind one day as I realized I can change me. I'd been trying to change him but I can change me, suddenly made sense.

When I felt love for myself-I saw him through different eyes. I felt sadness for him in seeing him as a scared person trying to control me. I was the one person that he held in a frightened state. That is when I really saw him as a yellow bellied, chicken s__t, expletive.

That was a turning point for me. It felt like a miracle that I was looking at him as if through a fish eye lens. He was so different. I felt very calm even though I was trapped in the bathroom with his huge presence blocking my escape.

After he repeatedly hit me in the chest, where the bruises didn't show; I calmly asked, "Do you feel better now?" (Excerpt from The Purple Heart).

This is true. I know now that I have a choice and I had to see things differently. Remember: “Those who abandon their dreams will discourage yours”. I discovered this years after leaving him and it is still true today. I abandoned myself, my feelings, my light and my dreams.

There is no dishonor in having feelings, only in denying that they exist and then shutting them down.

It's not about dwelling on the pain, it's about finding the love, the reason, the transformation, the spiritual journey so that we may finally live in peace with one another. We forget so easily.

“False Evidence Appearing Real”, fuels wars of the mind, emotions and spirit. It goes back to the beginning of time and mis-interpretation of what is said. We can correct the mis-interpretation and mis-communication.

 We have an “inner guardian” that was given a job to protect us when we:

·         made choices that hurt us before

·         started following our purpose

·         challenged authority

It protected us in a way tjhat keeps us stuck from ever successfully trying to follow our inner compelling purpose.

An example is a woman with a gorgeous voice that is terrified to sing publicly. Anyone that has a great gift to give the world and is afraid to do so, probably set up this “inner guardian” in their childhood or another lifetime to protect them whenever they came close to doing the thing that brought on, undesired attention in the past.

It's time to give the “inner guardian” a new job description.  There is a powerful meditation online at www.lightworker.com.  It's called Seed Fear.  It's important that you set the intention that only as much that you can easily handle is revealed to you, at the time of listening to it. http://lightworker.com/EvolutionCenter/Events/Fundamentals/SeedFear2010_05.php  The visualization starts at 38 minutes into the video broadcast.  Listening to the whole message is important though.

We all have the choice to be weak or strong. The choice comes from how we perceive ourselves.  We get hooked into victimization when we shut our inner guidance down and stop seeing the red flags and then settle for the relationship being “good enough”.

We find strength in speaking our truth. The truth will set you free. It's time that we all learn compassionate communication and it's imperative that you listen to your own inner voice.  As we become more loving and compassionate to our self, we send out ripples of loving kindness to others. The more we send, the better we feel.

MaryAine Curtis Spiritual Psychology, MRET, CMT

www.maryainecurtis.com