I was talking to a friend the other day and she was very upset because someone was receiving recognition for something.  She was upset because she felt that no matter what she achieved; she never received adequate recognition for her gifts and contributions.  I completely know where she is coming from.  I have been there, and every so often I find myself momentarily sucked back into that game.

Isn’t it funny that those who crave recognition, crave love and acceptance, seem to be the very ones who are “passed over” when it comes time to hand out the gold stars in life.  But are they really?

In my own case, there have been times when I received wonderful recognition, but it didn’t come in the way that made me feel good, or special, or whatever.  I have since learned a few things, and life has gotten more enjoyable because of my lessons.  So, perhaps I will share a few.

Lesson One:
Recognition and praise are ways that people show their love (admiration, appreciation, etc) for one another.  Most people give love in a way that they would like to receive love, and when the love isn’t acknowledged, they feel confused and hurt.

For example:  when a guy gives his wife a practical gift, it is because he feels loved when he receives a practical gift.  The wife may be evolved enough to appreciate his gesture of love and appreciation, or she may be upset because she doesn’t feel loved and appreciated.  She might feel loved when he takes her on a date, or buys her flowers, or a mushy card.  He has attempted to show love, and feels defeated because his gesture of love did not bring about the hoped for reaction. 

There are a couple of ways to deal with this crazy situation.  One is to tell people what actions provide you with the feeling of being loved and appreciated.  If you communicate what works for you, you increase the odds of that actually happening.  The other way to deal with this situation is to recognize that people don’t always give love in the way that you want to receive love – and to appreciate and recognize when someone is giving you love – regardless of how the love is given.

Lesson Two:
Whenever I crave something, I create an energy around me of desperation and neediness.  The energy of desperation is extremely effective at pushing away the very thing, or person, or experience that I am craving.  I have seen this happen with relationships, business deals, and all sorts of other life situations.   Whatever it is that I crave, I have to release my craving in order for the thing to come into my life.

To be honest, for some people it appears that craving something actually pulls it into their life.  But that is not how it works for me.  I really have to be OK with never having that thing in my life before it comes to me.  I have to release all attachments to a particular outcome.  When I no longer craved recognition at one of my old jobs, suddenly I was being sincerely recognized and appreciated.

Lesson Three:
For me, life is not a competition.  It is not a race.  When I can be sincerely excited about the accomplishments of my peers, I seem to find that my life goes more smoothly.  When I can see the beauty and perfection of whatever awards, or business deals, or other achievements that come to the people in my life – then I am open for those things to show up in my life.  When I feel that someone doesn’t deserve their happiness, or I feel that I am more deserving of their achievements, then I am operating from a place of false pride and ignorance.

Everyone deserves happiness, achievement and recognition.  Everyone!

Yes, there are people for whom life seems to be incredibly easy – and sometimes it just doesn’t feel good when things come easily to others while I are still struggling to make something happen.  But feeling resentful and upset, or ‘victimized’, does me absolutely no good.  I am in charge of my life, of my attitude, and my perception – and no one else’s.  Life is good when I claim it good.  Which leads me to …

Lesson Four:
Each of us defines our life by our own criteria.  Success, happiness, achievement – these are all a state of mind.  There are numerous examples of people having everything that we would desire in our life, but feeling like a failure.  There is no accepted measure of happiness, no rulebook that says “when this happens, you will be happy”.  Thank God!

I can choose to be happy, just because I choose it.  I can choose to be successful.  I can choose the state of my mind, and it has nothing to do with outside events, or what anyone happens to think of me.

So, this is what spirit has guided me to share today.  I’m not exactly sure what triggered this post – but there you have it.

Love & Light,
Susan