Why is it that no matter what you do it seems as if it is never right? It isn't enough. An endless bashing and blame no matter what you do. You only want to do something different other than what you did in the past. Maybe it is not to forget the unfavorable results you have, but a way to move forward.

We all get caught up on what we didn’t do. This creates a martyr syndrome that repeats itself every time you feel not good enough. In moving forward in your discovery of knowledge of self, the past is never left alone it keeps being pushed up into your face.

It is the martyr syndrome that has you doing things from guilt or maybe you have taken the blame. This journey has been more than desirable. You can't even say it's challenging because in truth, it's a continuous reflection of your past.

No matter what you do, it isn’t enough. How do you deal with it? You can call it growth or you can call it an opportunity to change things.

It becomes more complicated when it is your significant other, your immediate family; especially with your children. This can be an eye opener as you see your own mirrors. A cliché we all can easily relate to and understand. Yes, your clarity is right on as you become more aware of what your mirror reflects. But no one has prepared you to handle the side effects of hate, no forgiveness, blame, continued badgering, and endless reminders that YOU are the blame.

The irony is if you are not there for your family they feel you don’t care. A struggle of being ‘good enough’ now is in control; truthfully, you are giving them control to forsake any confrontation or fear of being rejected. For example: You work for living to provide for those you love. It’s still not enough, so guilt and blame is placed upon you.

Even if you give a little, they still ask for more. Your calendar now includes everyone else’s schedule. You consistently jump through hoops to make sure everything works accordingly.

If you are there, always available, giving them suggestions, and talking about how you feel; they feel you are controlling. You are told you don’t understand. You interfere with everything. When does the insanity stop?

On the other hand, are you just not letting go? Everything that you have in your life; all that you are and all you have accomplished is it still your mother's fault, father's fault, sister/brother's fault, basically everyone except your own.

Have we become a society of blame? Where's personal accountability and responsibility? No one can control what happens externally. No one can control things or people. You can only blame or justify your story. However, you are the only one who can take responsibility to do something different.

It begins within you. When things feel out of control it is easier to externally begin to point out all the faults of others. The war that is happening within individuals who harm others grows each day. There is a deep sense of pain and hurt practiced.

Throughout the years you have developed a practice to cloak feelings: a subconscious practice which is an addictive response. It becomes layers of different feelings that are cloaked. Other words used for cloaking are suppressed and repressed feelings. Eventually you master cloaking so well that you don’t realize you have until it is triggered.

The easiest of all mastery is when you harm self which ultimately is abuse; self abuse! You can proclaim abuse you received from others. Yet, if it’s repetitive abusive relations you still attract, you never look at the possibility it may begin with you.

You? How absurd? Take a look at your feelings. Every time you blame someone else it creates no room to heal. The cycle begins with you and returns to you. This is about not speaking up or standing up for your rights. Taking hold of your conscious beliefs, subconscious and super-conscious responses are a constant war within. Thus, there is a different quandary happening within each of you.

It begins a cycle of external justification supported by the stories of blame. I am not speaking about criminal and inhumane acts of violation to another person. I am speaking of the simplicity of your reactions, such as why you didn’t get a promotion or that job. This is an external and internal struggle manifesting reasons of why you didn’t get the promotion or the job. The story continues until you feel you are right about your unworthiness.

What now my love? Where do you feel that you don’t deserve to be treated with love?  You now create little space for healing to continue. The manifestation of self hate and the desire not to exist is now invested with wanting to attack others subjectively. Why should anyone else be happy? I am hurting. I am lost. It is painful to even think about it. The search is subtle but apparent when there is no room for love just judgment.

Here is a Cloaking practice for you to examine where you are. The most important part of this is being truthful with one self. On a piece of paper place a dot. The dot represents you.

1. Feelings. What are the feelings you still hold on to? Starting with the most reactive feeling put a circle around the dot. Make sure you name each circle with that feeling. When you are done it should look like a bulls eye with each feeling corresponding to a circle.
   
   
2. Blame. List the event or name of person that you believe is the cause. Extend a line from one of the feelings that relates to the event or person. For example: If your first circle is anger, what is the person’s name who you think makes you feel this way. 
   
   Draw a separate circle by first placing a dot in middle to represent you. Each circle is the feelings that you justified. (Again like a bulls eye.)
   
   
3. Justify. Write down the reaction you have to justify your feelings. For example: You felt angry because someone took advantage of you, but you suppressed it to not hurt their feelings because they have done so much for you.
   
   
4. Thoughts. Extend a line from each circle of your reaction to justify how you feel. For example: You reacted to someone saying “No one was ever there for me”! In reality, you know you stood by the person in everything they chose, right or wrong. (Although our thoughts are important; sometimes thoughts is used to blame or justify through stories.)
   
   
5. Mastery. What feelings do you master? Take a look at the feelings that reoccur but you are a master at suppressing or repressing these feelings. An example, denial or numbness. (Highlight or place an x by those feelings.)

Take a look at both of the circles. Which circle are you a Master? Is it both? Do you see that the reflection of one to another circle? Can you see the repetitive behavior? Do you feel that it is easier not to bring up any of the Cloaking practices because it brings up so many memories?

Cloaking your feelings is denial. It is when you don’t want to feel the pain or hurt connected to this memory. This occurs every time you push aside (suppress) or try to forget (repress) your feelings. As you look at your Cloaking practices you can see just how you are feeling.

Now imagine when your Feelings are triggered (reacting). The first reaction is to Blame. Most common is “it’s because of my bad childhood”! Yes this may have been fact but how long have you used this practice. Your practice to blame things on your bad childhood works because you have surrounded yourself with people who validate your feelings. Preferably, you will unconsciously choose people who won’t challenge these feelings. You will usually go through friends until you find someone who will agree with you.

Then as you remember, pain and hurt starts to manifest (look at your model of Feelings/Blame). These are the feelings that are being triggered. Example of a statement: If I didn’t have a bad childhood, I would be doing better with my life.

It takes seconds for the next process. The stories begin which is a natural reaction to place each of the pain or hurt you went through. Each story ignites a reaction through your Thoughts to collaborate with what you feel as you Justify each feeling. Example of a statement: If I didn’t get abused as a child I would be a better parent.

The Cloaking models reveal the triggering process you still have. Unless you choose to remove the cloaks from within you as a soul begins to disappear. And when you have a reaction many see you through these cloaks you wear.

Now put your Cloaking models together, one below the other circle. It looks like a figure eight or the infinity symbol. Imagine what happens when you are triggered. You may react from your feelings but when does it end. It becomes repetitive because nothing has been removed.

You become lost within your Cloaking cycles. Until you decide to peel away each cloak WHO you are becomes lost at times. You feel you have it all together and it takes one reaction and you disappear again.

You can disappear through denial or numbness. Sometimes pulling away from people to be invisible is common. This can bring up the truth of the pain or hurt you wish to not feel. Therefore, it’s best to remain in your Cloaking practices because of the illusion that you feel comfortable or safe.

The process is to point out how you are the point of reference not your Cloaking practices. And if you can’t stop how will you redirect the repetitive addiction of those practices so that LOVE is the only addiction.

If you want an in depth practice of how you master Cloaking, contact Foundation For Insight at 702-251-8200 or www.foundationforinsight.com. This is one process used in our signature piece called, “Unlocking The Inner Mirror” (created in 1999).