Being Alone vs. Being Lonely
What is the difference? Many feel that they are the same. Similar but they are different from one another. A fine line between them of how you react to circumstances that can trigger the association with life events. A major part associated with loneliness is how you were nurtured as a child. Some of this relates back to how many times you were touched as a child. Touch is an important part of how it affects us when we become adults. If you were ignored every time you were hurt, and may have been told to toughen up, or big boys don't cry, this affects you feeling lonely. It can be as simple as when a parent was busy (and as a child you can't interrupt) and the parent pushes you away quickly; but didn't come back to explain. You may have felt lonely at that time.
Many times our childhood peers make an impression upon us. You didn't have a choice to re-direct how your life transpired. Divorce affects many children. It has its repercussions because children feel they may have been at fault for the breakup. Any relationship can have the same effect if there isn't a partnership to honestly communicate. The end result causes non-communication; not being able to connect to another human being throughout their life. They will not usually interact with others even if they feel lonely. A child will withdraw if there were consistent fights before, during and after the divorce and/or breakup. Withdrawal causes loneliness as a child holds back their feelings and emotions; it gives an illusion of being safe. You find as an adult that if you practice to be open and loving, you experience betrayal and distrust forcing you to react to be alone. This is where the difference comes into play because a person feels lonely as they look to be loved and yet, feel alone.
You will be misunderstood when you push people away because of unworthiness. Thus, being alone is easy to choose in reaction to the fear of being lonely. A double edge sword when you are dealing with feelings and emotions. You want that trust to have someone close. Do you know what that feels like? It is like falling off the edge. You surrender your soul and the essence of love from within to another. It is easier to not experience the intense pain if LOVE is not accepted. Pushing away is rejection and denial. You want to connect with others but you withhold one key to love another, this push to be alone. It may give you the false image of being in control. You won't feel the love from the other person because you chose to be alone.
Another aspect of lonely vs alone is if you experienced moving from one place to another, this can socially be disruptive. These transitions affect your social interactions. There is nothing that is constant. Although, change is good it truly is about how you are able to handle the change. It can be as simple as having step-parents, step brothers and sisters because of the desire to want to fit in. The anger and/or resentment amongst parents is felt through a child who may feel it is their fault. It is the non-communication between the parents or family members that can subjectively fester within the cell memory until it is triggered.
None of you knew that such events could be a trigger to your being lonely. Even the loss of someone would affect you the rest of your life? However, a loss of someone without grieving is how it may be suppressed. The feeling is the longing for companionship, a way to exist and grow. It is the feelings of living fully now. The desire to feel another person gives you a delusional belief of feeling whole. It always will slap you in the face because the other person is playing the game of life which will eventually hurt you. The game is to allude you from their truth to comfortably settle with an affixation to withdraw from one who loves them.
If there is something similar that you experience, by all means, find out beyond what you are familiar with and go out and practice an alternative method towards what you need to fulfill your own life. At no time am I saying that you choose to be alone. However, if being alone is a choice then know that it is what you want. Being alone will feel empowering. Do not deceive yourself. Sometimes it is mistaken for 'not wanting to do anything' instead of the false perception to react because someone is telling you what to do. When in truth you do not want to be alone. Nor do you want to feel lonely and left out.
During the holidays, there are many emotions and feelings that surface. Statistics show the suicide rate is higher. The holidays bring out more of the sadness and hurt of being alone or being lonely. To attach to something not tangible or real is simple. This is why when you are amongst a crowd you feel alone or lonely. You will be with others never allowing them in. You wouldn't know whether you are receiving love from another person as you continue to push people away. When the truth is revealed to you as someone is expanding their heart, their love and who they are to you as you emotionally shut them out.
Alone is an emotion if you believe there is no one. Many feel there is no one to turn to for communication, companionship and to connect to another human being to open up one's heart to explain what feelings you have. Alone is thought processes where you tend to look at “why am I not worthy” to be with others. Thought processes accumulate validation of your excuses of why you are not in a relationship with another person. You begin to judge or compare yourself to others. The worthiness of who you are is weighted with judgment and competition.
You begin to think you are worthless, no longer valuable. The value of ourselves becomes dependant on our thoughts about ‘whom' I am from another person's perspective. Thus, giving the power to others. You crave to be with another human being. You are not able to when all you receive is emotional shut down to purposely push away love. It is easier for you to be alone as a cop out so you don't hurt or feel the pain. A simple practice that most people choose. Yet, denying they do not want to be alone or lonely.
Loneliness has been defined as an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than just the feeling. It is a desire of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Sometimes being in love is being with them. Their company is important as two souls grow together. For example, having a friend who you trust and share your heart. You reveal all that you are and rely on trust as you open up to have this person in your life, sharing experiences together.
Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. This is another perspective of the desire to FIT in, be part of someone, that you begin to change to be like them so you can be accepted. Although you may practice all the time, mastery may deem itself difficult as you still find it impossible to relate to another human. You don't want to be rejected, you want a meaningful interaction with another human who you felt knew love and stood in the core essence of their truth. I can only share my experience with my daughters. In their perspective as adults, they want to take responsibility but through blame they justify their loneliness of our relationship. Yet, they cannot see that I feel lonely as well.
Lonely people often experience feeling separate. Maybe you had been raised by your grandparents never having a relationship with your parents. Often times separation anxiety triggers feelings or emotions of abandonment. You may have a feeling of emptiness or missing something or someone, and at the same time isolated from others. A practice of being invisible and not seen. You can be in a relationship and your partner keeps you separate from sharing their love and desire.
Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Everyone has times when they are alone through choice. Being alone by choice can be emotionally pleasurable. It is a choice of being in solitude from other people. Loneliness is therefore unwilling solitude.
We all experienced our first separation through the process of birth. Each stage of life we go through is growth to become an individual; 0-2, 3-5, 6-8 years of age until we become adults.
As such, feeling alone can be a healthy emotion and, indeed, choosing to be alone for a period of solitude can be enriching. To experience loneliness, however, can be to feel overwhelmed by an unbearable feeling of separateness at a profound level. This can manifest in feelings of abandonment, rejection, depression, insecurity, anxiety, hopelessness, unworthiness, meaninglessness, and resentment. If these feelings are prolonged they may become restricting and prevent the affected individual from developing healthy relationships and lifestyles. If the individual is convinced he or she is unlovable, this will increase the experience of suffering and the likelihood of avoiding social contact.
How do you overcome loneliness? Being alone has a positive and a negative aspect. If you are alone, the freedom to do whatever you want to do and be whatever you feel like, without someone holding you down or holding you back is a benefit. However, if there is LOVE in your life, you still can retain your sense of being alone by making your own decisions, you still must be able to stand strong, especially if your lover becomes weakened by life. Being able to survive alone helps you to survive with another when you are no longer truly alone.
Alone lets you explore your own mind and self to test your own limitations. If someone else is there, they may fill in your weak spots without you even knowing how weak those places are. It is something to practice to give you the strength to stand alone. The benefit is having two people standing in their own power and having LOVE in their lives. It allows each individual to have time and energy to Create from one's dreams into reality. There is no reason to feel lonely.
If you are truly lonely, take that time to appreciate yourself. Grow, improve, and evolve. Find time to accept being alone with yourself. Not from instant gratification. This would not be a place of Self Love. It is a temporary fix to give the illusion of being alone. A feeling of a false identity of who you are. To be in truth with Self is to know you are alone and you embrace this with joy and happiness. In doing so, you will find the Love of your life who will walk by your side.
Love and Light,
Live Fully, Heal Thoroughly,
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